just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
