New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
