dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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