What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
