woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
