If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize