The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
