nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
