Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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