note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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