The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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