i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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