Me too!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
