I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
