i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
