am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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