So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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