What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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