note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
