The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
