How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
