Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
