im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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