dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize