whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
