You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
