that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
