My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
