the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i will never coherently bang her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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