yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
