I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
