yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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