and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
