its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
