she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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