my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
