just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
