What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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