i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want to be your penis for a week.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
