I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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