Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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