I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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