home. puking in laundry basket.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
