Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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