im about as happy as oj after his trial
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
