Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
