I CAN MOONWALK!
I just threw up on my dentist
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize