we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
