Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
