There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize