too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
