Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
