I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am naked and annoyed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
