I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
