I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
