carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
