Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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