if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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