hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
