Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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