would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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