Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
