it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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