I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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