so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
