I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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