I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
