it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
