You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
