There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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