So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
