I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
