There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize