Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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