And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
