I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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