mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
