Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
