and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
