you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
