i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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