Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
