omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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